Retrospect

I can look back and safely say that I was in a mixed state when I went into the hospital. Since then, I have gone to a community services board, and gotten medication for bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder, or manic-depressive disorder, is primarily biochemical, and must be treated as such. Since I was only being treated for depression, I was still experiencing the effects of the cycling and ups and downs that are associated with this mental illness.

At the time, I was in a mixed state. Where the symptoms of depression were severe, but I was still experiencing racing thoughts and psychotic symptoms, such as hearing voices.

This state, for those who have bipolar, is often one of the most dangerous, and is a state where the most suicide attempts occur for manic depressives.

Knowing what I know now, I'd have to say that I'm lucky something worse didn't happen. It was bad, and it scared me, but manic episodes can be so, so much worse. I was lucky that I escaped with a few cuts, and a short trip to a psychiatric ward.

I'm doing better, and I'm getting better, but it's going to be a long road ahead of me. I'm still going to cycle. I'm still going to have periods of depression and mania, and it's going to be difficult. But I've got the experience under my belt to know when I've gone too far.

I'm going to be okay, and that's what matters.